Spook
by TheShoelessOne
Summary: [POST BDM] Jayne discovers that Serenity has a ghost problem, and no one is more surprised to hear this than the spirit himself. CHAPTER FOUR UP!
1. Chapter 1

**Spook**

It was Simon's turn to cook dinner. He'd finally gotten to the point where he would apologize in advance. Then again, every day Simon cooked was one in which Jayne did not, and they thanked all the lucky stars in the 'Verse for that. It was another night of nearly-stale protein, and Simon did what he could to make it more palatable. It worked, for the most part, to hold one's nose and swallow.

"Ya did good, Simon," Kaylee said, smiling past the bubbling in her stomach that disagreed. He smirked self-depriciatingly.

"Well, it's better'n starvin', anyway," Jayne grumbled, poking at his plate with a fork, as if expecting his food to run from the tines.

"_That_," Mal added, grimacing, "is an insult t' starvin', Jayne."

"Oh come on," Kaylee pleaded, placing her hand encouragingly over Simon's, "it ain't as bad as what Jayne dragged in a week ago."

"Least _that_ used t' be alive," Jayne added in his defense.

"I think it still was when we ate it," Simon noted, looking a little green at the memory.

"Boys," Zoe chided, trying not to look amused. "Really, y'all should know better than t' encourage each other."

"He started it," Jayne reminded everyone, pointing at Simon with his fork. To be fair, it was Mal that started it, but no one seemed to bring that fact up. River's lips curled up as she stared at her plate, and Jayne sneered childishly in her direction as a form of response.

"It's all right," Simon said at last, scooting his own plate away. "It's rubbish, but it's honest rubbish."

"Can't stand for my rubbish lyin' to me," Mal said with a bout of silent laughter in his chest. "No, right 'n honest, Doc... I think this ought t' be a felony on civilized planets."

Laughter broke the tension, and even Jayne cracked a smirk. He erased it as soon as Simon caught his eye, and he went back to stabbing his pitiful meal. Inara recovered from chuckling and opened her mouth to speak.

The lights in the galley flicked off. A tight silence fell on all gathered at the table; the last time those lights flickered, their engine had caught on fire. It was not a good sign. Then, after only five seconds of darkness, the lights turned back on. Eyes met in question, and Jayne was the first to stand quickly and move away from the door to the engine room. The lights went off and on again in quick succession perhaps three or four times, then remained on.

"Kaylee," Mal said as he stood, "engine room. Jayne, make sure these're the only lights actin' funny--"

"Don't seem that funny t' me..."

"Didn't ask for your comedic opinion, just check the passenger dorms. Zoe 'n the Albatross, need ya on the bridge for systems check. 'Nara, you might want t' check--"

"I'm on it," Inara assured him, standing and heading toward the stairs past a grumbling Jayne.

"Doc, you'll probably want t' see t' the infirmary."

The lights flashed off, stayed that way for nearly half a minute, then turned back on. Mal didn't seem to like this very much at all. He headed up to the bridge with Zoe and River, and he felt an unnatural shiver run up his back. That was not a good sign. He got on the comm to ask Kaylee to check main life support while she was down there.

One systems check later, Mal could find nothing wrong in any of the lines. Kaylee had reported back that _Serenity_ was running just fine, and wasn't saying anything about the lights in the galley. Jayne and Simon confirmed that the galley was the only sphere of influence, as they'd waited in various parts of the ship and no flickering occurred. Zoe'd had the good sense to check the lights in the galley, to see if they needed changing. No such luck; they worked as well as the day they were installed. It was puzzling and downright strange.

As they all stood in the galley, waiting with eyes to the ceiling to see if and when the lights might flicker again. To break the chilling, uneasy silence, Jayne spoke first, shifting his weight to his other foot nervously.

"So... Y' think it's a spook?"

"What, a ghost?" Kaylee asked, for verification. The two met eyes, and he looked back to the ceiling first.

"Y'all were thinkin', I'm just sayin'."

"I hardly believe in ghosts anymore," Simon said, arms crossed resolutely but staring with a hunched spine at the once-sputtering lights.

"Spectral emanations," River mumbled, standing between Simon and Jayne, her head slightly cocked as she observed the lights with bemused fascination. "Like shadows in the dark, doesn't make sense."

"Yeah, well, your whole ruttin' _head_ don't make sense," Jayne retorted, not looking away from the lights, as if sure they would go off if he took his eyes away.

"Shut up," Mal said succinctly, and there was no more sound. After another pause, he sighed through his nose and moved away toward the crew corridor. "Well, fun as it is t' blind myself starin' at a piece 'a faulty wiring, I'm gettin' some sleep. If y'all stay up all night cycle watchin' that thing, I ain't listinin' to you complain all morning, _dong ma_? Oh, and Jayne? That ghost shows up, you let me know."

Jayne flipped the casual bird at Mal's retreating back. Kaylee rolled her eyes.

Others followed the captain's example, and soon, only the mechanic and the merc were left in the galley. Since their ship-wide sweep, the lights hadn't so much as blinked. Kaylee sighed at the wasted minutes, then retreated to the engine room Jayne grumbled at being left alone, and didn't seem to like it much, and therefore headed off for the crew corridor, shutting off the galley lights as he left the room. Unexpectedly, they flicked back on. He started, looked about, and turned them off again. Off they stayed.

Jayne visited the cockpit before heading off to bed, staring up at the stars and wondering which of the thousands of wires in the ship had malfunctioned to cause the flickering light. He resisted the very real urge to strip off the metal sheeting on the walls and dive right into that mess of wire. Lost in the thoughts of pliers and copper wire, he watched the outline of small plastic dinosaurs on the console against the darkness of space. He sighed once through his nose, done with those thoughts and everything associated with them, and wanting very much to lie in bed and forget about it.

His retreat to his bunk was impeded, however, by a pair of jaunty blue eyes that stood before him as he turned to leave the bridge. Jayne nearly jumped out of his skin, giving a shout of alarm, stumbled backwards and nearly tripped over the pilot's chair. The owner of those eyes stumbled back in fright as well, reeling backward and nearly falling out the airlock and down the stairs, giving a strangled cry of panic. They stared at each other, Jayne's chest heaving with heavy breaths as he stared at the sight in front of him.

"Jeez, Jayne, you scared the--I think I'm gonna have a--you don't have to scream you know! I still have ears." He said, holding a hand to his chest. He seemed tangible enough, save for the circular bloody wound in the center of his chest. Jayne's face was a terrible ashy shade of gray as he stared incomprehensibly forward, blinking slowly, afraid this illusion might disappear if he blinked too hard.

"Wash?" he breathed unbelievingly, his breath packed like tight cotton in his chest.

"Who else do you know with this debonair grin and a hole the size of a tire through his chest? Because if there's someone else, I'd like to know."

Ever the wordsmith, all Jayne could mutter was: "You're dead."

Wash paused, his smirk faded, and his eyes dropped to the aforementioned hole in his person. "Y'know, that would explain _this_ a whole lot better than _my_ theory."

"What's that?" Jayne asked, more because he had been paying more attention to the death wound than what the specter was saying.

"Wolverines," Wash said simply.

Jayne blinked a few more times, realized that this wasn't going away, and lowered his eyebrows in response. He reached a hand out and aimed right at Wash's collarbone. While he seemed as real as flesh to Jayne's eye, as soon as his own hand would have made contact, Wash's collarbone went translucent and intangible, and Jayne's hand passed right through. It was like shoving a fist into ice water. Wash jumped back, shivering and covering his collarbone.

"Don't _do_ that!"

The two stared at one another, both now apprehensive. Jayne was the first to speak, oddly enough.

"So, d'you remember anythin'?"

Wash paused, still protective of his abused collarbone. "Not a lot. There were some reavers, I think. And spinning. _A lot_ of spinning." As if to illustrate the point, Wash held a hand to his forehead.

"Mr. Universe," Jayne prompted. "That broadwave 'bout Miranda, and we got them reavers t' follow us--bad idea now, lookin' back..."

"The broadwave," Wash repeated, looking as if something clicked. "River... and Zoe." Wash's head snapped up, suddenly at attention. "Jayne, is Zoe all right?"

"She's fine," Jayne said, sure by now that this entire conversation was taking place in a macabre dream-world. "Everyone got out all right, discountin' a couple'a bullet wounds 'n such. But, hell, you didn't even make it t' the last stand, Wash."

Wash sighed through his nose, running a bloodied hand through his blonde shock of hair. "That's not good."

"I reckon y' wouldn't 'a made it outta there anyway," Jayne said. "The Doc almost bit it."

"Sounds like a hell of a last stand," Wash said with obvious bitterness, and a touch of mocking.

"So s'that the last thing ya remember? Crashin'?"

"Yeah," Wash said after pondering over it for a quiet moment. "That's it. Can't really remember how I got this thing--" He jerked a thumb at the hole in his chest. Jayne cringed. "Guess I'll have to find a jacket..."

"Or wear a dress," Jayne suggested in a low tone.

A moment of strange silence took them, and then the two instantly broke into stuttering snickers. They quieted themselves down quickly, realizing that the situation wasn't quite as funny as they seemed to think.

"Okay," Jayne said at last, raising one hand slightly, "I got a question. You're a bon-a-fide ghost, right?"

"Seem to be."

"All right, so why me, huh?"

Wash thought on it. "Well, I've been trying to get attention all afternoon. I just assumed it was Ignore the Pilot Day. I figured if I flipped the lights in the kitchen a few times someone might notice..."

"Cheeky little--"

"But you're the first one who even pretended I was there," Wash said, completely ignoring Jayne. "And, if I know my bedtime stories as well as I think I do, that means you're the only one that can see me."

Jayne lowered his eyebrows, suddenly defensive. "Aw, c'mon, now! That ain't fair! I didn't even like ya!"

"To be fair, I think I liked you less."

"Why ain't you hauntin' Zoe, or Kaylee? You liked Kaylee, right?"

"Yeah, I liked Kaylee. She was nice," Wash said with a general shrug.

Jayne dug his face into his hands, growled, and ran his fingers back through his hair in a frustrated move. "So I got a dead guy followin' me around now?"

"Going back to the bedtime story thing," Wash began, "it has something to do with unfinished business, I think."

Jayne stopped grumbling for a long, finger-drumming moment. "I'm goin' t' bed," he said finally, stepping past Wash and heading for the door. Unable to stop him physically, Wash was reduced to vocally.

"Woah, woah, hold it! We haven't figured out the... the... the _ghost_ thing yet! You leave now and I could turn out to be a vengeful spirit or something! We don't know! I don't even know how I died!"

Jayne rounded on him, looking very tired and edging on being very angry. "You was stuck like a pig on the end 'a one of them reaver harpoons, all right? It went straight through the back 'a your chair. Cap'n made me come in 'n fish you out, 'cause Zoe wouldn't set one little toe on this bridge. Not for two months, Wash! I had t' drag you out t' your little hole in the ground, had t' look at that hole right straight through ya, and I don't like the way it's starin' back at me now!"

Wash was silent, nervously crossing his arms over the gaping hole in his chest and looking down at his feet. "I'll... I'll just wait here then," he said in a low voice. He turned away from Jayne and the door, arms still folded, to observe the blackness staring at him through the window. With his little plastic dinosaurs surrounding him, looking stoically out from his position near the pilot chair, Jayne felt a flash of familiarity that was surprising. If not for the hole extending through to Wash's back, Jayne might have been looking at the past, before Miranda. He shook his head, lowered his eyes, and stalked out of the cockpit.

As he kicked open the door to his bunk, he shook his head, throwing a glance back over his shoulder. "Gorram spooks..."

* * *

AN: Hey all! Just a quick note here before I dash. I got this idea while watching late-night TV and stayed up even later than I meant to. I started out with Kaylee being the one to see Wash, but then realized it was too sad and not enough funny. It's mainly supposed to be funny, because that's the kind of ghost I imagine Wash would be. Has this been done? I hope not. Anyway, thanks for reading, and do that thing I always encourage you to do. You know, with the awesome? 


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Jayne woke with the fleeting notion that he'd had a dream about dinosaurs and dead pilots in dresses. He shook his head, rubbed his eyes, and it was gone. He took his sweet time getting ready, for he knew that Mal didn't have any hard labor planned for him today. No, it was going to be a normal day in the black, another two days to Greenleaf and the drop-off. Yes, a normal day in the black.

As he stepped into the galley, he knew instantly that this was _not_ going to be a normal day. River was technically the only other person in the galley when he arrived, but it was the cheery, waving specter sitting at the head of the table that caught his eye.

Jayne jumped back, the memories of last night striking him as a hammer might strike an anvil, and growled out, "Oh, _go se_!"

River looked up from the kitchen placidly, her eyes hooded and tired in the early morning. "Don't have to curse; leaving in twenty-seven seconds."

Jayne, bewildered, looked to the girl. "What?"

She pouted at her teacup, then lifted it from the counter, took a spoon for herself, and gracefully stepped past Jayne to head for the bridge. Jayne rubbed his eyes again and looked back to Wash, who was looking out after River. After a moment, he turned back to Jayne.

"So she's the pilot now?" There was an unspoken melancholy in his voice that Jayne almost didn't pick up on.

"Yeah," he responded in a defeated tone. He pulled out a chair, plopped down into it and stared at Wash. "Guess I wasn't dreamin' then?"

"Oh, yeah, sorry about... y'know... _this_," Wash gestured vaguely to himself. He sighed, but then pulled a smile out of nowhere, just as he'd been known to do in life. "I thought this whole thing over--"

"Oh no..." Jayne hid his face in his hands just as a curious-looking Kaylee poked her head into the galley.

"Jayne, were you talkin' t' River?" she asked as she strolled in with messy bed-head.

"--and the way I remember, we have to help each other out and fix all sorts of wacky problems together before I get to pass on." Wash looked up as Kaylee entered, waved, but then looked very put-out upon remembering that Jayne was the only one who could see him. "Y'know, I _really_ wish I was haunting someone else."

"That makes two of us," Jayne grumbled. Kaylee looked up, screwing one eyebrow down.

"What?"

"Nothin'," Jayne clarified, glaring at Wash. "Talkin' t' myself."

"Oh-kaaay," Kaylee mumbled in response, making her own breakfast tea. "Me 'n River was gonna have tea on the bridge." She paused, just ever-so-slightly, enough to let her lip curl up in a smirk. "You wanna come?"

It took only a moment for Jayne to look terribly offended, and he crossed his arms. "Hell no. Why the hell would I wanna sit with two _yu ben de_ girls talkin' my ear off 'bout stuff I don't give one good gorram about?" He wasn't looking at her when she said it, and she shrank slightly in defeat, but the defeat was not her own. Wash's eyebrow climbed up his forehead in interest.

"All right," she shrugged, stirring her tea and heading up to the bridge. When she was gone, Wash leaned in toward Jayne in confidentiality, despite the fact he was a ghost.

"What was that all about?" He'd obviously been gone from the ship too long, and was out of the loop on all the best gossip.

Jayne shrugged noncommittally. "Past month or so Kaylee's been up in the cockpit with that _feng le_ little pilot. Keeps sayin' I gotta come up there with 'em, who the hell knows why. Shit... if she 'n the Doc weren't gettin' hitched I'd think she was comin' on t' me."

Wash nodded absently in thought, then performed a tremendous double-take that might have severely injured a living man. "Wait, _what_?! Kaylee and Simon... engaged?"

"Oh, yeah," Jayne responded as he stood up to make himself some tasteless breakfast. "'Bout a month after that Miranda stuff, Doc up 'n proposed, right where you're sittin'."

"Wow," Wash muttered, looking severely depressed. He shook his head, and the normal, affable Wash-look reappeared on his ghostly features. "When's the date?"

"Whenever we haul our asses up t' Greenleaf. That's where her folks are." Jayne reached into the pantry and pulled out the dry protein-oatmeal mix. He sneered slightly. "You weren't invited."

Wash looked put-out again, crossed his arms and stood. "You're not really helping with the 'I'm dead and it really, really sucks' situation."

"Well, hell," Jayne growled as he fumbled with the silverware, "what am I s'posed t' do? Get on my knees 'n pray fer you? 'Cause you got the wrong man for that." He grew quiet, mixing the slop in lukewarm water on the stove.

Wash leaned on the partition between kitchen and dining area, looking as gregarious as possible. "Oh, c'mon, you heard the stories. Big sturdy fellow like you has heard his fair share of campfire stories, right?"

"What you tryin' t' say?" Jayne accused, glaring at the non-entity before him.

"That there's _got_ to be some reason I was paired up with you, Jayne. Something you and I could do that any other one of the crew couldn't." He paused, tapping his chin with one finger in thought. "You think we have to wrestle bears?"

Jayne actually gave a single, short laugh, then stopped himself. He scooped the oatmeal into a bowl and moved back to the table just in time for Mal to stumble sleepily in.

"Mornin'," Jayne said, for some reason now in a good mood. "We got a spook, Cap'n."

Mal stood on sleepy, wobbling legs for a moment, staring straight at Jayne. He seemed to be thinking his response out thoroughly. His lips parted quickly with an intake of breath, his thought found.

"Right, the little _hun dan_ flashin' our lights on 'n off. Say, Jayne, was it 'bout this tall and glowin' green in the dark?" Mal cracked a grin. Jayne scoffed a laugh, sitting down at the table and quickly joined by Wash.

"More like a redheaded little runt who thinks he's funnier 'n he is." He spooned oatmeal into his mouth and that ended their conversation. Mal rolled his eyes and headed into the kitchen to fetch himself some food.

"Geez," Wash noted, looking at Mal. "He got _old_."

"S'been almost a year," Jayne added, truthfully. Mal looked up with an eyebrow cocked.

"What's been almost a year?"

Jayne was quiet as he stirred his oatmeal. "Miranda," he said finally.

Mal's lips went into a fine, white line. "Don't you be bringin' that up 'round Zoe. That's an order, Jayne."

He grumbled a reply that Mal took to be in the affirmative.

"No," Wash said, pointing a harrying finger at Mal, "I mean it. He's got _gray_ on his head. The years have _not_ been good to him." Jayne gave him a dubious look over his breakfast bowl, and the pilot changed his song. "Well, I don't think I'm doing so hot either, but... Hey, Simon's here! Good old Simon!"

He'd stood as the always-immaculate doctor rose from the passenger dorms as if he'd been awake for hours.

"Captain," he said with a nod. "Jayne."

"Doc," Jayne returned with his mouth full of oatmeal.

"You're lookin' awful bright-eyed 'n bushy-tailed this mornin', Doctor," Mal said, taking a drink of his generic Blue Sun coffee with a grimace at the bitterness. "Coffee?"

"No thank you." He paused to look in Jayne's direction, as if he'd caught something out of the corner of his eye. Turning back Mal, he added, "Kaylee?"

"Bridge," Jayne said simply, scraping the last of the sustenance from the bottom of his bowl with his finger and sticking it in his mouth. "Yer sister, too," he tacked on, in case the doctor decided to stick around and ask more questions.

Simon attempted a polite smile, then turned on heel toward the bridge. Everyone present, corporeal or not noticed the spring in his step.

"Well, _that's_ not our problem," Wash mumbled, leaning into his hand and looking bored at the inactivity.

"What d'you mean, _problem_?" Jayne asked, licking his spoon for any missed oatmeal.

"There's _always_ a problem. You know, unrequited love, things like that." At Jayne's blank face, Wash clarified, "There's something--or some_things_--wrong on this ship that only you and I can fix together. That's the only explanation that makes any sense. Otherwise, I'd be perfectly happy haunting my wife." He tapped his fingers on the table in thought.

"Hey, you hear that?" Mal asked, his coffee cup stopped halfway to his mouth. Jayne looked up, feigning ignorance.

"What, that tappin'?"

"What the hell _is_ that? You playin' tricks, Jayne, 'cause I don't approve--"

Jayne held up both hands, and the tapping continued. Mal furrowed his brow and stalked angrily up toward the bridge, muttering under his breath about meddling space monkeys.

"So... what?" Jayne asked once he and Wash were alone again. Wash sighed exasperatedly.

"Okay, look. I'm dead."

"Right. I got that. I ain't _stupid_."

"It depends on the definition. Anyway, I'm dead and you're not, and here we are, stuck with each other."

"Yeah. You got a point, little man?"

"All ghost stories are the same! I have to help you solve all the problems on _Serenity_ and then I'll be able to go to... wherever spirits go after they die. It's pretty straightforward."

Jayne paused to think it over, then nodded slowly. "Awright, all we gotta do is find a problem, right?"

"And not a mechanical problem, a psychological one. Like... Say Simon and Kaylee got in a fight and called off their wedding. _That_ would be the kind of problem we needed to solve."

At that moment, there was a crash, a shout and thundering footsteps that Jayne recognized as a woman scorned. Kaylee appeared in the galley, red-faced and weeping, and whirled around to shout down the crew corridor.

"I ain't ever talkin' t' you again, Simon Tam!" Without acknowledging Jayne, she stormed past the table and down the hallway to the engine room, where she slammed and locked the door from the inside. Mutterings and accusations echoed down from the cockpit as voices mingled in confusion.

Jayne and Wash looked at each other.

"Y' just_ had _t' say Simon and Kaylee, didn't you?"

* * *

_yu ben de_ - foolish; silly

AN: HAY ALL! The next chapter is up, and I apologize profusely for the lateness of it. Zodiac is coming soon, too, so don't fret. I have less free time at college than expected (lol). I'm really having fun writing this, especially the interactions between Wash and Jayne. I couldn't have written it with anyone else, really. So, Simon and Kaylee is the first problem, but there will be many more for our Dynamic Duo to solve before Wash can get his well-deserved rest. Tell me what you think, const. crit. is welcome and appreciated but no flames please. Love you all, and stay awesome!


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

Jayne decided to join the others on the bridge to catch up on his gossip. The spook came with him.

Simon was sitting in the copilot chair, looking pale and defeated, with shoulders slumped uncharacteristically. River stood behind him, looking strangely maternal with her hands laying comfortingly on his shoulders. Yet there lingered suspicion in her eyes, however well she thought she was hiding it. Mal sagged in the pilot's seat, looking more tired than usual, with gray fringing in his temples. The latter glanced up as Jayne and Wash arrived in the doorway, only seeing the mercenary.

"What the hell happened?" Jayne asked, in usual Jayne fashion. Wash rolled his eyes. River glared at him, eyes lidded.

"Going to see to Kaylee," she announced, brushing past Jayne and almost going right through Wash. The specter managed to step aside just in time, looking terrified at the thought that someone might walk straight through him.

"The good doctor put both feet in his mouth, as usual," Mal said, propping his legs up on the console and crossing his feet at the ankles. He was respectful to avoid the plastic dinosaurs propped up like tiny, prehistoric sentinels.

"Figured _that_," Jayne muttered. "What the hell did he _say_?"

Mal raised an eyebrow at Jayne's sudden interest, but continued nonetheless. "Think I recall him mentioning gettin' hitched on Greenleaf bein' like a 'shotgun wedding'. Was that what you said, Doc?"

"I didn't _mean_--" Simon cut himself off, hanging his head between his knees. "I've systematically ruined my own life with a witty turn-of-phrase."

"So I can see _nothing's_ changed since I died," Wash said sarcastically. Jayne caught a laugh before it could escape him, changing it into an awkward cough.

"What the hell happened?" A familiar voice came from behind them. Wash's spine stiffened, the humor suddenly drained from him. Zoe walked onto the bridge, past Jayne, and stood with arms akimbo before Simon.

The voices of Mal and Simon fell away as Wash stared at the woman that had been his wife. Jayne flicked his eyes to the ghost beside him, who, despite being bloodless, looked suddenly pale and worn. Wash's mouth hung slightly open, and his eyebrows tilted upward as if someone had wrenched something from his chest. Considering the man had a gaping, bloody hole for a chest, this was a disconcerting image.

"I... I can't be here," Wash said suddenly, like someone had shoved something forcefully down his throat. With pain in his eyes, he tore himself away from the image of Zoe and rattled down the stairs and through the crew corridor. Jayne stared incredulously after him.

"What was that?" Mal asked, sitting up slightly in his chair. Jayne turned back to the others to find them all staring at him and out into the hallway. He seemed just as dumbfounded as any of them.

"Dunno," Jayne answered.

"She ain't a young ship," Zoe offered with a shrug. Mal sighed, rolling his eyes.

"And every time you call _her_ old, I feel like some greyin' old man. I don't like it. I'm still in my prime." Mal re-crossed his feet and arms.

"I'm sure you are, sir," Zoe replied, not missing a beat. She turned back to Simon, shaking her head. "Well, Doctor, you landed yourself in a steamin' pile. And I ain't helpin' you pull yourself out."

"What?" Simon asked, as if Zoe had punched him in the stomach. He looked to Mal, who also shook his head.

"I ain't too big on marital problems--"

"We aren't even _married _yet--"

"AND I don't plan on brewin' myself into an argument that's gonna lose me a doctor or a damn-fine mechanic. Speakin' on brew, let's rustle us up some 'a that cow-piss they're passin' off as coffee now, eh, Zoe?"

"Sounds like a plan, sir." She walked past Jayne on her way out, pausing only slightly to shoot him an odd look, and moved on. Mal gave him the same stare.

"What're you doin' here?" Mal asked.

Jayne's eyes were wide when he responded, "Hell if I know, Cap'n."

Mal chuckled to himself as he stepped past Jayne to join Zoe in the galley. This, of course, left Jayne and Simon alone on the bridge. "Couldn't 'a talked t' _Kaylee,_" Jayne muttered to himself. Simon was squinting at the merc across the bridge, but all dislike had been replaced with a hollow defeat.

"What _are_ you doing here?" Simon repeated.

Jayne's mind worked as fast as it could, which wasn't as fast as he might've hoped. He lingered on the silence a bit too long, and rolled his eyes at himself. If Wash was right, they had to get these two lovebirds back together before he could be completely spook-free. And, with Wash having left him in the proverbial cold, it looked like Jayne was on his own with the doctor.

"All right," Jayne started, taking up Mal's abandoned spot in the pilot's chair. "You 'n me, we gotta talk."

"Please, I'd like to keep my remaining brain cells into my old age," Simon returned, his biting tone not lost in the sea of his downfall. Luckily, this was Jayne, and he was not phased an inch.

"Shut-up for a second and listen," Jayne instructed. Simon buttoned his lip, looking cross but stuck to his seat in his failure as a fiancee. Jayne paused, unsure where he was going to take this, and how he was going to use this talk to get Simon and Kaylee talking to one another again. "Kaylee's a real good friend 'a mine, and you're bein' _ge zhen de hun dan_."

"It was a misunderstanding--" Simon tried to defend himself.

"It ain't your turn t' talk," Jayne shot back. "You got about five second t' get your ass off 'a that chair and find her, and you're gonna 'pologize."

"I know when I've been an idiot," Simon said as he stood from his chair, looking definitely incensed, "but when they send _Jayne_ to set me straight? That's an _insult._"

Jayne didn't stand. "I don't see ya movin', Doc. You ain't out 'a here and off findin' Kaylee, it's gonna be _my_ boot up your ass."

"Of course," Simon said as he threw up his hands. With a suddenness that frightened the merc, Simon slammed his hands down on the console right in front of Jayne. "I know that I'm in the wrong when it comes to what I said, but if Mal doesn't want me to marry her, he should have the fortitude to tell me to my face, not send his man-ape to threaten me."

"Hey!" Jayne growled, shooting to his feet. "Watch yer mouth 'fore it gets a taste 'a my fist!"

"I'm not having this conversation with you," Simon said quickly, looking at the same time exhausted and livid. Jayne was beginning to see how this might have been a bad idea, but he was Jayne Cobb, and he didn't back down from something he started.

"Like hell y' aren't," Jayne returned, looking similarly apoplectic.

Then, something surprising happened. Simon puffed out his chest, balled one of his fists, and swung out at Jayne. The punch hit him square in the jaw with a crack, and Jayne stumbled back into the pilot's chair. Both were taken aback by the action, the attacker looking on with plate-sized eyes at his nerve, and the attacked holding his jaw tenderly as it hung open in surprise. But, like Jayne, Simon was unable to back down now that it'd been done. They'd reached an impasse.

After a moment more of stunned silence, Simon straightened his spine and his pride and stalked off the bridge in long-legged strides. Jayne sneered after him, working his jaw to test how hard the doctor had hit him. Hard enough to split his lip, he noticed as he held his thumb against his stinging lower lip and found blood. Hell, he almost felt proud that the Doc could knock him back like that--it was a feat in and of itself.

Jayne waited another minute or so before he followed Simon's example and left the bridge. He was still working the feeling back into his jaw when he entered the galley. Simon wasn't there, but Kaylee, River and Wash were.

"I'm glad _that_ went well," Wash muttered, looking at Jayne and his jaw with a singular raised eyebrow. Jayne allowed himself a gruff laugh, and he winced at the pain that shot through his jaw.

Kaylee stood from the table, looking concerned suddenly. "What happened?" she asked. River remained seated, her eyes wandering and seemingly very interested in the ceiling.

Jayne didn't say anything, exchanging a worried glance with Wash. River, who was sitting in the chair beside Wash, looked confused for a moment, thinking perhaps that he was looking at her. She glanced at the seat beside her, and when she looked back to Jayne, he was facing Kaylee again.

"It was Simon, wasn't it?" Her eyebrows drew down, and she glared at Simon through the walls of steel between the galley and the passenger dorms. "You was just tryin' t' help and he decks ya?"

"Ain't like that," Jayne tried to defend Simon, knowing there was no way he could get rid of his redheaded specter with these two apart. Kaylee's pretty mouth turned down, and she moved forward to inspect Jayne's maw. He hissed and growled as she turned his head with her fingers on the exact spot Simon had punched him.

"Ow--hey! Watch it..."

"Sweet 'n all you're tryin' t' help, Jayne," Kaylee said sadly as she dropped her fingers back to her side. "But this might be it for me 'n him." Sadness seized her face, and she sat back down beside River.

"He prob'ly didn't mean it like ya think," Jayne said as he pulled up a chair on Kaylee's other side. Wash nodded encouragingly.

"It's probably easier to talk Kaylee into taking him back than for Simon to apologize," Wash analyzed. "He got a spine. When'd he get a spine? I missed all the good stuff when I died..."

"Simon is a boob," River muttered, looking at the table and willing the lank strands of hair from her face by glaring at them.

"Ain't you s'posed t' be on _his_ side?" He asked, leaning one arm on the table.

"Not picking sides," River mumbled, finally tucking her hair behind her ear and out of her face. "Switzerland."

Jayne blinked blankly at her for a long moment before Wash chimed in. "Oh, I saw that on the Cortex." He looked like an excited child in a classroom, the answer to a difficult question sitting on the edge of his tongue. "Switzerland... Switzerland... _is neutral_! On Earth-That-Was, it didn't pick sides." The ex-pilot looked immensely proud of himself.

"This ain't no war, Crazy, and we ain't on Earth-That-Was," he said to River, nodding confirmation to the beaming Wash. River's eyes widened, and, looking surprised, was able to say nothing further. Turning away from River, he chucked Kaylee playfully on the shoulder. "You gonna be awright?"

The mechanic smiled sadly in response, then leaned into his shoulder with a sigh. "Don't go nowhere for a while, all right?"

Jayne flicked his eyes to Wash, who shrugged. He would have to ask Wash about how he was faring after the encounter with Zoe on the bridge later.

River's proverbial ears perked up, and her head snapped to face Jayne. His thoughts must've brushed hers, and the two exchanged a wide-eyed look over Kaylee's head. He pressed his lips into a worried line, and tried to clear his mind of any thought of Wash. It wasn't that hard. River watched his eyes carefully, but said nothing. After a moment, she broke eye contact and went to picking at something on the table with her fingernail.

"I ain't goin' nowhere," Jayne assured Kaylee after another short pause, watching the back of River's head cautiously and trying very hard not to think about the ghost sitting three chairs away.

* * *

AN: DUN DUN DUNNNN!! ... Uh, sorry. I just felt the need to be suddenly dramatic. Forgive me. Anyway, it took me long enough, but I hope this chapter live up to expectations. Foreshadowing and all that good stuff in this chap, and there WILL be more Wash in coming chapters. He just... and Zoe and... well, y'know. Hope y'all liked, and stay tuned and STAY AWESOME. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

Kaylee had been herded to her duties in the engine room by Mal. They still needed to land this thing, and domestic issues weren't going to stop them. Slow them down, yes, and mangle their innards a bit while they were at it. But under Mal's eye they were gonna crawl to the drop-off bleeding and dying, so long as they got their cut. It was important, especially now.

Mal and Zoe prepped the mule in the cargo bay. Simon fumed in the infirmary. Kaylee fumed in the engine room. Inara was putting her face on in her shuttle, unaware of the goings-on of the morning. River was piloting them down toward Haven's dusty face. Jayne and Wash watched.

Both of them perched just outside the cockpit, watching the girl go through the motions effortlessly, like she wasn't even trying. Wash shook his head, obviously impressed.

"She's good. She's really good. I'd say she makes me look like an idiot child, but I'm not one to make myself look bad. Why are we watching her?"

"Huh?" Jayne asked simply, eyes glued on the girl in the pilot's chair.

"She's not exactly the problem we're trying to solve here," Wash said, stepping forward and hovering over River like a protective father watching his child drive away with the family car. "I mean, she's a pretty problem, but we're working on Simon and Kaylee right now."

"Staring is impolite," River said quietly, not looking up from the controls.

Wash jumped, convinced that she'd heard him, but she didn't react. He nevertheless shuffled backward a few steps to the copilot's console. Jayne's mouth turned down.

"What'd ya hear?" he asked, skipping right to the point. He found no reason to be circuitous.

"Jayne was thinking about Wash," she said, flipping a series of three switches above her head and turned the chair to face Jayne. He revealed himself fully in the doorway, looking slightly unsettled. "That time of year."

He crossed his arms. This wasn't exactly what he'd wanted to hear. She knew this, and heard it from him.

"Why were you thinking about Wash in the present?" she asked. "Wash is Past."

Wash frowned slightly, crossing his own arms over the gaping reminder in his chest. "Don't have to rub my nose in it..."

"You're smart, and you ain't crazy no more. So you tell _me_," Jayne said in a noncommittal tone.

Her bare toes touched the cold metal beneath the chair, and she just barely shifted her weight to spin back and forth in a childlike manner. She watched her thumbs. And she waited.

Jayne rolled his eyes. "Or not."

"I don't have all the pieces yet," she told him, glancing up through a veil of hair. "When I do, I will tell you."

"Don't go yankin' my chain, girl," Jayne warned, stepping forward to assure his dominance in the situation, "or the dog's gonna come out barkin' and mad as hell."

She smiled up at him, looking impish. "But he's on a chain. And all the children with the poking sticks won't make the chain any longer."

"Ain't but one kid with a stick, 'n that's you, little... person..." He faltered at the end, but his accusatory finger was adamant.

"Good one," Wash inserted, settling down into the copilot's chair with a sarcastic, muted smirk. "I'm sure she's gonna be feeling _that_ one tomorrow." Jayne resisted the urge to snap at the man.

River surprised them both again, turning to look directly at Wash. The ghost jumped back up with a start.

"What?" Jayne asked, looking from River to Wash as if he didn't know what she was looking at.

"Made a noise. The chair only groans when sat in. No one is in the chair." She turned back to Jayne, looking perplexed. "Doesn't make sense."

"So she can't hear me, but she can _hear_ me?" Wash asked, scratching his scalp in thought. "Hey, can she hear this?" He leaned down to tap his fingers on the console, as he'd done in the galley to Mal earlier. River's eyebrows drew down. She tapped the console with her fingers in response.

"Jayne...?"

"You hear it, then?" Jayne asked. Someone else helping with this Wash problem was suddenly not sounding like a bad idea.

River's thoughts suddenly seemed to culminate, and her hand snapped back from the console as if it'd been fire-hot. She looked Jayne in the eye with a scared deer look, and she shook her head.

"Oh, Jayne, no. No, no..."

He pulled his lips straight in seriousness, but said nothing.

"What?" Wash asked, discontinuing the tapping and stepping away from the copilot's console. "Hey, I can't read minds, like some people in the room. Jayne?"

After a moment of silence, River turned the chair away from Jayne and persisted in pecking at the console. "I need to fly now," she said quietly. "Goodbye, Jayne."

Jayne growled a gruff sigh and motioned for Wash to follow him off the bridge.

"That was productive," Wash sighed, following alongside. After a brief pause, the ghost threw up his hands and exclaimed: "Except that it _wasn't_!"

"Don't gotta yell," Jayne reminded him.

"Right, because _I'm_ going to wake someone up. Me, the spook."

"You're just a ray 'a sunshine right up my ass right now, Wash," Jayne growled. He glanced back over his shoulder, then shook his head. "Gorram, that girl gets under my skin, even if she ain't crazy no more. 'S just all kinda of unsettlin'... I liked it better when you was up there tellin' jokes when we were 'bout 't crash."

"Yeah, because I'm the funny one. River's the smart one who's apparently a wizard with aeronautics. You're the angry one with the guns."

"Damn straight."

"Okay, now that we don't have a psychic breathing down our necks, what's our next step?" Wash asked as they headed down toward the cargo bay.

"We're landin' in Haven in... I dunno, 'bout twenty I guess. We're bringin' supplies t' the new settlers."

"Right," Wash muttered, looking far-off again. "Because..."

Jayne just nodded, as they were coming into the wide bay, and his one-sided conversation would echo oddly, especially with Zoe and the Captain prepping the mule and the cargo below.

"Jayne!" Mal called as soon as the merc was in view. "How's our Li'l Albatross bringin' us in?"

"Hell if I know," Jayne grumbled back as he passed the both of them.

"Now," Mal started, and Jayne grudgingly hauled himself to a stop and turned with a glare, "I don't know where you were brought-up, Jayne, but 'round here we have what we civilized people 'manners'."

"Really, sir?" Zoe asked half-interestedly from the mule as she loaded her up. "I wouldn't 'a noticed."

"That's why I keep her around," Mal said in confidential undertones. "Keeps me on my toes."

"I thought that was why you kept _Jayne_ around," Zoe rebounded.

"No, he's t' keep _you_ on your toes, Zoe," Mal said with a grin as he turned. Zoe managed a short smile and returned to her work.

"Touché, sir."

Wash remained deadly silent, staring up at his woman on the mule. He allowed a slow, fond smile to crawl over his face at her humor. As she packed the back seats of the mule with what appeared to be food rations, Wash stood and he watched, and he smiled.

"Back t' manners," Mal said quickly before Jayne could lumber away. "You ain't got any."

"Glad ya noticed," Jayne grumbled.

"Keep the sarcasm. I asked how River's doing bringing down our girl."

"Well, hell, Mal, she's done it a million gorram times! She oughta be a _gao ming_ little... _thing_by now."

"_Gao ming_," Mal repeated, looking pensive. "That's awful nice of you, Jayne."

Jayne proceeded to growl something under his breath at his captain, most likely acidic and vulgar.

"What's that, Jayne? Volunteerin' t' carry all this off the ship?" Mal held a hand to his ear and leaned in slightly. "Stayin' with the cargo 'til we land? Why, we got ourselves a regular gentleman here, Zoe."

"Fancy that," Zoe gasped, finally smiling fully. "A gentleman on_this_ ship." Zoe laughed softly to herself when Mal joined Jayne in frowning, and went back to her work.

"I'm checkin' on Kaylee," Mal announced, looking cross. "Can't have our mechanic sobbin' into the works. Zoe, you're in charge here."

"I'll make sure the doctor's doin' all right," Zoe told Jayne as she hopped down off the mule. "You finish packin' in those rations and we should be almost done."

"Awright," Jayne obeyed grudgingly. Out of Mal and Zoe, he'd rather fight Mal. Zoe could take him.

As soon as Zoe was out of view, Jayne could take the time to notice Wash's smiling, bright-eyed face. "What're you lookin' at?"

Wash didn't fade. "You're my favorite," he said with a toothy grin.

"What? Why for?" Jayne's eyebrows drew down suspiciously. Wash's grin softened, and for the first time in a year, Wash almost looked alive.

"For making my wife smile."

For a moment, even Jayne allowed the edge of his mouth to curl up into a smile. It wasn't often he was anyone's favorite after all. He shrugged off the compliment and hauled himself up into the mule. It didn't take much effort to get the last of the cargo packed down, and only five minutes later, River landed _Serenity_ in the dust of Haven as if she'd been a downy feather.

Jayne took a steeling breath. The last time they'd been on Haven was two months after Miranda. They'd helped clear up the debris and to set the framework for the new structures. There had been little talking, and less to talk about. That was the scary time in-between where no one knew what to say, leastways Jayne. Now there were settlers coming into Haven again, eager to make a new life from the death. And_Serenity_ and her crew were there to help again.

"This is good," Wash said as the engine began its slow power-down.

"Y' think so?" Jayne asked, barely glancing sideways at him. "We got Kaylee and the Doc runnin' around like they got their heads cut off, a little crazy girl givin' me them googly eyes, and this spook followin' me around. Sounds like a mess t' me."

"Haven's good for us," Wash said thoughtfully. "Gives everyone a chance to calm down, y'know?"

"Fat chance," Jayne grumbled. "This bunch is so high-strung you'd think they was hung up like a Christmas ham or somethin'. Have been ever since--" He broke off, furrowing his brow deep and making it a point not to look at Wash. After a moment, Jayne scuffed one boot on the ground and added: "You really think bein' on Haven'll help?"

"Sure," Wash said as he stretched, then shivered and crossed his arms over the hole in his chest.

As he said so, Zoe returned with Simon in tow. Jayne narrowed his eyes in the doctor's direction, and Simon chose to ignore the large, obstructive man standing by the mule.

"That is if you don't kill Simon before we get off the ship," Wash said in an undertone.

"Heard that," Jayne mumbled as Zoe and Simon passed them. Zoe raised an eyebrow at him and, without a word, moved up into the driver's seat of the mule. "You ridin' that thing solo?" He asked Zoe, looking at all of the supplies packed tightly into the small craft.

"Yep," she assured him, patting a small sliver of passenger seat. "Only rear could fit on here is River's, and she's helpin' you and the Captain haul out the big stuff."

When she turned away, Jayne only contemplated it for a moment. "Get on up there," he demanded to the specter beside him.

Wash blinked. "What?"

"You're a ghost. You'd just pass on through that stuff on the seat, right?"

He looked very tempted, looking up at his wife preparing to make way. "What about--"

Jayne just shook his head, pointed up to the mule's passenger seat, and stepped away to open the airlock. Wash smiled bright and full and hauled himself up carefully to sit beside his wife. In the quiet of preparation, he just sat and watched and smiled.

* * *

_gao ming_ - brilliant; smart

AN: Hey guys! Sorry this one took so long, I said I'd get the Zodiac chapter up before I updated Spook again, and THAT took forever. BUT I'll probably have the next Zodiac chap up before November. Because NOVEMBER may be a month of semi-hiatus for me. That is National Novel Writing Month, and I'm participating full force this year. It has cowboys. Anyway, I'm still having a lot of fun writing this, and the character dynamics are upping themselves as we speak! Tell me what you think, leave some love, and as always, KEEP UP THE AWESOME!


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